Planning a party.....

Hello there everyone, how are you all?

 As you may know, with the exception of last weeks post, its been a while since I've blogged, and as that blog explained part of the reason for that is because for alot of the time I have been quite happy, life has been going well. Now obviously when things  are going well, its Sods Law that you are not going to notice the huge great banana skin that Life periodically throws in your path, and subsequently you end up a cropper. Today is still not quit the right time for me to open up about the details of the particular banana skin I experienced, bear with me, I'm sure at some point I will blog all about it, but not today. Instead I want to talk today about funerals,specifically my funeral.  Woah, woah...hang on...don't panic this is forward planning. I have no intentions of popping my clogs any time yet, but I have become a regular funeral goer in recent months, and I think I could use my newly gained knowledge to plan a superb bespoke funeral, just for me.

So what do I want for my big day.........

Now first things first....I have no intentions of being left in a cold dirty hole, don't even think about it. I like to be nice and warm, so I think a toasty fire is the way to go for me. I also am not, have never been and don't think I ever will be religious, so we will keep all the Jesus stuff to a minimum please. Choice of coffin....now this again is an easy subject  simply because I plan to have already have my coffin and be using it by the time I depart from this fine earth. I imagine at this moment you are imagining some vampire type scenario, and it is true that I am a bit of a goth girl at heart, but in this instance it isn't quite what I have in mind.
Rather what I have in mind is a wicker coffin. I saw pictures of some recently and my first thought was that they are quite beautiful. Laced with flowers and in some cases ribbons they are simply too good to either bury or burn. Instead my coffin will hopefully spend many years at the end of the bed being used as a bedding box before it is needed in its official capacity.

Guests and Stuff.......

OK people, Now call me perverse but I hope you will all be a little bit sad to be attending my funeral. However I aim to make it as pain free as possible for you, and hopefully you will even have a giggle or two before the day is out. Dress code has just got to be purple hasn't it. Its my favourite colour, and wont look too outrageous when you turn up at the crematorium. Of course if I could, I would have everyone in fancy dress. My best friend in the whole world married several years ago now, and she had a medieval themed wedding. It was without doubt the most awesome wedding I have ever been to. I would love to watch you all turn up in your medieval finery, but I'm a realist, purple clothing will do fine.
The music is something I have given a great deal of thought over. Some of the most beautiful songs I know have been rendered unlistenable  to me  ( I'm sure that is a real word ) because they were played  at funerals and the connection now is there. These include The Beatles 'Yesterday', Sarah Mclachlan 'Arms of an Angel' is a particularly painful song to hear, Westlifes 'You raise me up'. Even Ken Dodds 'Happiness'  is a song that now has the power to make me smile and cry at the same time.
 This is the song I would most like to hear at my funeral :-  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAP9AF6DCu4 The Calling 'Wherever you will go' I apologise in advance to anyone who will not be able to listen to it afterwards, but it is such a beautiful song and I'm sure is how I will feel after I'm gone. 
Another request, please if there is no one who is willing to stand up and say a few words about me, just skip that bit, there is nothing sadder at a funeral than a half hearted and often not accurate description of the individual involved read out by the presiding minister.  I understand they are doing their best, but come on guys, we have had some awesome times together, share those stories, I won't mind, I may even leave a prize to the one who can tell the best one, tho I don't know quite how I will judge them.........
Hymns if we must have one will have to be 'All things Bright and Beautiful', its the only one I know the words to, and I expect you all to sing, or I'm gonna be whispering in your ear, and you don't really want that....... Mwahahahah!!!!!

The wake and ashes

This bit i am largely going to leave for you guys to organise. Have a party  and a few drinks would be my suggestion.....simples. I have never been one for fancy things, have a laugh and a joke, tell stories and cry if needed, but please laugh more. And when my ashes are sorted, take me to the seaside please. I have always loved the sea. The gorgeous little bay just off Looe beach will suit me just fine, tho you might want to wait till the beach is a little less crowded than in the picture.........



So that's it people, how I would like my funeral to go. I hope you don't think this blog is too flippant, I do actually have a serious point to make. Arranging a funeral is without doubt one the most difficult things you will ever have to do, weather its for  partners,parents, children, siblings, other relatives or friends. the choices are overwhelming, at a time when your least able to make decisions. So don't be afraid to talk to your loved ones about it, doesn't have to be a serious discussion, but let them know what you would like, or what you wouldn't want. So that if and when they ever need to they can call on all those little scraps of information. Doing so will make that most difficult time just a little easier to get though. That's all from me today, Bye everyone, Tracey X

Daddy's girl........

Hello everyone. Now anyone who follows me on twitter will know that I had a wee bit of an exciting day today. As I tweeted this morning, I met my uncle today and he introduced me to my dad. Now I had some lovely tweets saying hope all goes well and similar sentiments, however  I then had to explain to my lovely tweeters that my dad would not actually be present today and then go on to explain why..........

My Dad Alan.....

yup, my dad is called Alan, Alan Elliott. He is the older brother of my uncle Clive who came to visit me today. Some 18 odd years older in fact, which makes him very old cus Uncle C is 60!!!! (sorry, u only look 48, honest xx). My dad was in the army for quite a while, and during that time he met my mum, fell in love and married her. They had a gorgeous little boy called Steve, my big brother, who till this day totally adores his dad, and then mum fell pregnant with me.
Clive has over the past few months been telling me lots of things about my dad. stories about how he adored Steve when he was little and how good he was to my mum, who was (and still is ) a sufferer of Bi-Polar disorder. My dad loved to drive, that was his job. This is  trait that appears to be genetic. My brother Steve is a lorry driver, and my boys both adore anything with engines, in fact my man-child is studying motor mechanics at college.
Today i found out my dad could be a bugger too, driving over 1oo miles to flip the finger at a bloke who wouldn't let him over take on one occasion, and another time selling Uncle C,s fishing gear while he was out of town for some pocket money. But overall he seams like a good guy.

so why wasn't he there today??

Well as I have told several twitter friends today, my dad wasn't present today because my dad is an angel.....  Now please don't think I've gone cuckoo.... I don't mean a man in a shiny white robe took advantage of my mum. He was a real man when I was conceived, but as you have probably guessed by now, he died. This happened a month before I was born, in a car crash, rushing home to be with his pregnant wife and their little boy after a long gruelling straight drive to Scotland and back.He was silly, didn't stop for a nap and in so doing fell asleep a mile from home and crashed..... a month before I was born...that's why he couldn't be there today.


I miss my dad.........
That might seam like a weird thing to say of someone you have never met, and you know what?? up until a few years ago I would have completely agreed.  So what has changed I hear you ask, or you might not ask but I'm telling you anyway..... well to be honest I don't know. I was told by a very bad person long ago that my dad was not a good man and had killed himself drink driving. With no family as such to ask about this I was bound to believe it and had never had much time for such people. However in the last two years, I have began to question what this bad person told me about alot of things, but as I said, with no family to ask as such, I was never going to get answers, so Left it at that.
Until early this year, when my brother ( who I would never have upset by asking the questions i needed to ask ) told me he had got in contact with our uncle. So fast forward to today. I know the real story about dads crash and more about him as well. So now maybe you are hoping that I have this image of a wonderful kind loving man that my uncle painted and  that is why I miss him???   well I'm afraid your wrong.
I still have this big black empty space where my dad should be. No voice, no image, and no memories. I was hoping to build up a mental picture of a man today, like you do with characters in a book. But a dad shouldn't be a character.... he should be real. And that is what I miss, the chance to have met the real  man, the chance to have images, sounds, anything to remind me of him. they say a person never dies if you keep their memory alive, and dad will never die for Steve or Clive. For me he never lived though, and that makes me sad...... I can share others memories, but I found today that is not enough to make him real......

Usually I try and find a positive spin to end my post... I could say that I have found a fabulous uncle now, or that I had a fantastic substitute foster dad, and all this is true, but sat here alone tonight, that is not making me feel any better.
So on that rather low not, I bid you all farewell..... Hope to see you all again soon when I'm cheerier, Tracey XX