My special friends...........

Hello everyone, today I want to tell you about some of my special friends...... no, not those sort of special friends, that would be a COMPLETELY different sort of blog.... this is about the friends that make up your support network, the family that you get to choose.......

What is a friend?????

Now that my strike you as an odd question, because everyone knows what a friend is right??... but actually I think people have very different opinions and expectations about what a friend might be. I will give you an example to show what I mean..... My baby boy has a facebook account with 400 odd friends, and I only have 70 odd friends. So is my boy wildly more popular that his mummy? well no... I could easily have more facebook friends if I wanted, but I have different criteria for who I class as a friend than my boys does. Many people that he considers to be friends, I would call acquaintances. and neither of us is right or wrong, we just have different ways of looking at it.

So what is my criteria for a good friend??

Well I think the quote says it quite well. I have a very small select group of good friends, most of whom I do not talk on a daily basis, or even a weekly basis ( I have never been a friend who enjoys living in another persons pocket, and likewise do not chose friends who need constant attention....I'm a busy girl lol). But what makes us special friends is our ability to pick up our friendship exactly where we left it after weeks, or even months without speaking,  and equally importantly is the knowledge that if I need them at 3am in the morning for any emergency then they would be there. Now you may have spotted that I have used 'talk' and 'speak' rather than 'see' and this is because not all my Friends are people I live close enough to in order to be able to visit in person.

Let me introduce my lovely friends......

Now the first friends I would like to say you to meet is one of my oldest friends, and fellow twitter queen miss @ForestFlower23. Now we became friends when we were still at school some *ahem* years ago. We were both newbies to our school, me moving to the forest from Kent and Anthea from Milton Keynes some 6 months or so before me. So obviously as new girls, we were tamed up as the ones who  come from the same place (foresters are not generally known for their geography skills, we came from the other side of the country dispite the 100 or so miles between the two places, and that was close enough for them)... and you know what? it didn't matter, we got on fabulously from day one. Anthea was ( and still is) far cooler than me, but we clicked, same humour, same taste in music..... Our favourite Saturday pastimes included making soup in her kitchen listening to Adam Ant and Duran Duran. Now fast forward a few years, and I had met and married my now ex. He did not like any of my friends, and slowly because of him, they drifted away. However about 4 years ago through the miracle that is social media me and Anthea got back in touch, and I am truly grateful for this. After some 12 years without speaking we picked up like it had only been weeks, a sign of a true best friend.
Now I have several friends I could introduce you who I have met through work, but are now members of my bestest friends family, however to list them all and how we met would bore you I'm sure. Needless to say they are all special, wacky sense of humour, honest, caring, wonderful people who have supported me through some very difficult times these past few years... they know who they are and they know I lurves them.

My last group of friends who I want you to say hello to are a somewhat controversial group, not of course as individual people, but because they are 'internet' friends.  Now I am guessing that as readers of this blog, you are probably among the group of society who have embraced the social media explosion, but many people still fear it, as a dark destroyer of minds, social morals, the art of writing, conversations, and even the rain forests ( OK, I may have made that last one up, but you get my  drift).
I have been told by countless people that Internet friends are not 'proper' friends. This is a very narrow mined opinion I believe for two reasons... firstly what is a 'proper friend'? Is someone you speak to on a daily basis online less of a friend than the person you stand next to and have a brief chat with a few times a week in the bus cue?? Secondly, nobody has the right to decide weather a person is my friend except me. So thre are my Internet friends, fabulous people who I have (shock horror) never met, but I consider to be real, good friends. We all have an interest in psychology, as Open University students this is how we became friends. But we have more in common than that, and it is these things that make us friends. these ladies have offered me a shoulder to cry on many times, as well as sharing happy times too. So Hana, Kathy and Gil in particular..Helllooooo Xx

So there you are, my special friends.  I would love to know what you think about what makes a good friend, and your opinions about social media and online friends...... See you all again soon,
Tracey xx

Daddy's girl........

Hello everyone. Now anyone who follows me on twitter will know that I had a wee bit of an exciting day today. As I tweeted this morning, I met my uncle today and he introduced me to my dad. Now I had some lovely tweets saying hope all goes well and similar sentiments, however  I then had to explain to my lovely tweeters that my dad would not actually be present today and then go on to explain why..........

My Dad Alan.....

yup, my dad is called Alan, Alan Elliott. He is the older brother of my uncle Clive who came to visit me today. Some 18 odd years older in fact, which makes him very old cus Uncle C is 60!!!! (sorry, u only look 48, honest xx). My dad was in the army for quite a while, and during that time he met my mum, fell in love and married her. They had a gorgeous little boy called Steve, my big brother, who till this day totally adores his dad, and then mum fell pregnant with me.
Clive has over the past few months been telling me lots of things about my dad. stories about how he adored Steve when he was little and how good he was to my mum, who was (and still is ) a sufferer of Bi-Polar disorder. My dad loved to drive, that was his job. This is  trait that appears to be genetic. My brother Steve is a lorry driver, and my boys both adore anything with engines, in fact my man-child is studying motor mechanics at college.
Today i found out my dad could be a bugger too, driving over 1oo miles to flip the finger at a bloke who wouldn't let him over take on one occasion, and another time selling Uncle C,s fishing gear while he was out of town for some pocket money. But overall he seams like a good guy.

so why wasn't he there today??

Well as I have told several twitter friends today, my dad wasn't present today because my dad is an angel.....  Now please don't think I've gone cuckoo.... I don't mean a man in a shiny white robe took advantage of my mum. He was a real man when I was conceived, but as you have probably guessed by now, he died. This happened a month before I was born, in a car crash, rushing home to be with his pregnant wife and their little boy after a long gruelling straight drive to Scotland and back.He was silly, didn't stop for a nap and in so doing fell asleep a mile from home and crashed..... a month before I was born...that's why he couldn't be there today.


I miss my dad.........
That might seam like a weird thing to say of someone you have never met, and you know what?? up until a few years ago I would have completely agreed.  So what has changed I hear you ask, or you might not ask but I'm telling you anyway..... well to be honest I don't know. I was told by a very bad person long ago that my dad was not a good man and had killed himself drink driving. With no family as such to ask about this I was bound to believe it and had never had much time for such people. However in the last two years, I have began to question what this bad person told me about alot of things, but as I said, with no family to ask as such, I was never going to get answers, so Left it at that.
Until early this year, when my brother ( who I would never have upset by asking the questions i needed to ask ) told me he had got in contact with our uncle. So fast forward to today. I know the real story about dads crash and more about him as well. So now maybe you are hoping that I have this image of a wonderful kind loving man that my uncle painted and  that is why I miss him???   well I'm afraid your wrong.
I still have this big black empty space where my dad should be. No voice, no image, and no memories. I was hoping to build up a mental picture of a man today, like you do with characters in a book. But a dad shouldn't be a character.... he should be real. And that is what I miss, the chance to have met the real  man, the chance to have images, sounds, anything to remind me of him. they say a person never dies if you keep their memory alive, and dad will never die for Steve or Clive. For me he never lived though, and that makes me sad...... I can share others memories, but I found today that is not enough to make him real......

Usually I try and find a positive spin to end my post... I could say that I have found a fabulous uncle now, or that I had a fantastic substitute foster dad, and all this is true, but sat here alone tonight, that is not making me feel any better.
So on that rather low not, I bid you all farewell..... Hope to see you all again soon when I'm cheerier, Tracey XX

I got that Friday feeling.......

Hello everyone, are you all looking forward to the weekend?? I know for many people that 'Friday feeling' is all about the joy you feel at reaching the end of another working week, but this post isn't actually about that.  I once read a quote (can't remember where, probably facebook or somewhere similar) that said "When you find something you love, you will never work a day again" well I have never really understood that quote, I mean even a good job is just a job, right?????? Well until rcently, but now I have found a place where that quote applies perfectly, so please let me introduce you to the cause of my alternative Friday feeling.....



 L.I.F.E Leisure Idependance Friendship Enablement Services   



Is a company set up by my very good friend Craig Howley. Now it would be very difficult to explain L.I.F.E without telling you a little about the phenomenon that is Craigy (he will read this i'm sure but I don't mind him knowing how cool I think he is). Now I have known Craig for the past 22 years since I was at school (my god I'm soooo old) and he has for all that time worked looking after people with learning dissabilities. And for all that time he has been a larger than life character, always the joker, a eternal child and natural born entertainer.... I am now gonna embarrass him by showing the earliest pic I have of him, this was a drunken weekend away in Glastonbury, Craig just had a bottle bounce off his head, and another of Craig in his favorite passtime, dressing up (not like that, you naughty lot).

and yes the blond bit is me........

Fast forward many years and I began working in a residential home that worked along side the daycentre Craig worked at. He was very popular with the clients there, everybody loved him. However the nature of care for adults with learning dissabilities is dramatically changing at the moment thanks to the austerity measures our government is having to impliment (thanks to the bankers of the world) and the resulting service being offered to our clients is one that is not the always able to give what they need or even (shock horror) what they want.   Now many of us carers don't like these changes but few people have the balls to do something about it.
Craig is one of those people (along side his partner Adrian) and so set up L.I.F.E as an alternative to traditional day centres or personal assistants.

So why does L.I.F.E give me a Friday feeling???
Well obviously it is not the joy of being at the end of the weekend and looking forward to no more work for 2 days. My Friday feeling is actually a sense of pleasure that comes from looking forward to going to work ( on a Friday, tho I have recently started getting a Thursday feeling too).
And this sense of pleasure comes from the people I work with and the people I support.  Those I work with are a fab bunch of people, who have a real passion for the job we do, and are detrmind at all times to carry out their role as well as they can, and I will let you into a secret now, it really isnt a hard job, the main aim of our job is.... (drum roll)......... To make people happy!!!! I mean how cool is that. OK, obviously there is more to it than that, but that is our ultimate goal and this is such a refreshing change  from the attitudes of many social support providers who treat individuals as no more than numbers. As long as  they are physically well cared for then they consider their job done.
Fridays are especially cool because we do Karaoke. Now I have never before met a group of people that sing with so much enthusiasm ( and yes if I'm honest, so badly) as the guys we look after, it is a pleasure to watch. And whats more I am one of the best singers there ( I know it is wrong to take personal satisfaction from that fact, but hey, I'm only human after all). I also do nail art with my girlie's on a Friday, these ladies do not often get the chance to have girly things like this done for them as it is not seen as essential, which is pants!! Who out there doesn't feel good after a pampering session.....
Now  I would love to put loads of pics of all the gorgeous people we look after and what we get up to, but that would go against confidentiality, but I am able to put a link to their site here so you can check for yourselves the fun we get up to......
http://l-i-f-e-services.co.uk/#/photo-gallery/4558509108

OK that's me signing off now, I have work tomorrow, were going swimming in the morning and shopping in the afternoon, Happy days,
See you all soon,

Tracey X

I fell in love with Peter Parker........

Hello everyone.... Are there any Spiderman fanatics out there?? Well if so I apologise now, because the Peter Parker the title refers to is not the webbed wonder, although he dos feature in this post, along side Captain Jack sparrow and Doctor Who. Intrigued? well continue to read and I will introduce you to a man who far surpasses all of those hero's in terms of their ability to capture my heart........



So who is this amazing man then

Well first of all I should tell you a little bit more about myself. I am a support worker for adults with learning disabilities, and in this job have met some amazing individuals, but none are more special than those who have Downs Syndrome. Now I'm sure many people will think it is wrong to have a 'favorite' type of individual, and of course they are right, but I would dare anyone to spend any reasonable length of time with someone with Downs and then say they don't feel they have met a special person.

I  could now give you all sorts of facts and figures about Downs syndrome, but there are better  places if that is the type of info your looking for, one I would recommend is http://www.downs-syndrome.org.uk/ 

Instead I am going to tell you some common misconceptions I have heard about people with Downs and also why it is that I think these guys are so special. Note this is my own personal view/opinion so if anyone disagrees, well tough innit!!

First misconception - Downs individuals never get angry... I hear this quite a lot and it is a total load of twaddle!!!!.... I have seen individuals with Downs have the most almighty tantrums. However these guys do not generally bear grudges. They also appear not to be malicious or spiteful, so although a person might in the short term annoy them, they will very quickly forgive and regain their naturally sunny dispositions again.

Second Misconception - Downs individuals are like children... This assumption is levelled at many groups of individuals with learning disabilities, particularly those those with Downs.  Again it it very untrue. An individual with downs who is 30 will have experienced 30 years of living and have the same dreams as everyone else. what makes downs individuals appear childlike, I believe, is their capacity to live very much in the moment. They take absolute delight in whatever they are doing NOW, with not a great deal of though for what happened in the past or what will happen in the future. this is a quality adults tend to lose as they get older.

So there it is, Downs individuals in my opinion are sunny natured individuals that live in the moment, take delight in everything they do and never stay angry for long. Add to that a general liking for giving cuddles and you can Begin I hope to see why I think they are special.

You may have guessed by now that 'Peter Parker' is an individual with Downs, and top marks to you if you did.  Now obviously I cannot reveal his true name so I will continue to refer to him as Peter Parker. He did live spiderman, Pitates if the Caribean (he use to call Jack Sparrow 'John Parrot', which still makes me smile now )  and he was as big a Whovian as me.... He did a mean Darlek impression......

Now I knew Peter Parker for over 8 years, and during that time he managed to worm his way into my heart in a way that few other people  did ( his girlfriend being the only other person to gain my affections to the same extent, she also had Downs). Now those who work in social care at the moment will know that we are now encouraged to maintain a 'professional distance; from the people we look after at all times, not to get close to them.  Well here in this post I am going to say that is B*ll*x..... you do not spend 30-40 hours a week for 8 years  with someone and not become attached. I loved the little guy very much...... and so this leads me to explain why I am writing this long rambling post.......

Almost a year ago now Peter Parker passed away. A year on I still miss him, and I am most definitely not looking forward to the anniversary of that day, but when it comes I shall remember him and think to myself how privileged I was to have known him.......

Now I hope that somehow in this post, I have managed to  convey to you all the real experience of knowing someone with Downs. As people with Downs are living longer and becomming more visable in society, it is possible you may meet them more often. Say hello, get to know them, I promise you will not regret it.......  

Thats me signing off for now, see you again soon.....

Tracey Xx



Rock n Roll and pigeon holes.....

Hello there again....  today's post was triggered off by a good friend of mine taking a peek at the list of albums I currently have stored on my new phone. While scrolling through the somewhat large list with, all the appropriate nods and mutters of approval she suddenly exclaimed........

Well I hardly think that's your kind of music!!...........

Rock chock huh!!




Well people that know me in real life will know that I do absolutely love rock music, loud guitars, drums, black eyeliner, all things Gothic and have many gorgeous tattoo's and (currently red) very bright hair, so it could be fair to say I am a bit of a rock/goth/hippy chic... Now in that description on its own I have identified 3 separate stereotypes, each of which I'm sure you could some up a mental picture of If you tried. Now there is nothing wrong with the use of stereotypes as such, being a student of psychology ( another hobby) I have found out that the mind needs stereotypes to quickly process information about a person in order to determine how to behave towards that person ( if you had no stereotype for what a policeman was, how would you know who to look for if you needed help??) .... the problem with stereotypes is when they develop into prejudices. Instead of being a set of indicators to give a person a rough idea about what a person may be like, stereotypes are developed into a set of ridged inflexible rules about what a person is and how they must behave. this prejudice leads to individuals being pigeon holed.

What is a chaemo??

The prejudice that develops from stereotyping is evident in all warps of life, but as this blog began about music, i will restrict myself to talking solely about that.... So what exactly is a chaemo and how does it relate to pigeon holing in music??  well this is a definition my two teenage boys have come up with to describe their music tastes as they (like their mother) refuse to conform to traditional musical stereotypes ( the need to classify themselves at all is quite sad though i feel) and reflects their love of hardcore Drum and Bass (chave music) alongside their love of a certain style of rock music known as Emo (emotive rock).  this new classification of music style they have invented allows them to express their tastes in music as well as the style of dress they wear (black clothes adorned with chav bling and the all important baseball cap!!) However should they at some point in the future find themselves listening appreciatively to the likes of Beyonce or The Saturdays, well they are going to run the risk of  being derided by their fellow 'chaemos'.

I  myself have never  believed I should be defined either in the way I dress, act or the music I listen to by a particular stereotype, and have always loved a wide variety of music from the likes of Adele and The Scissor Sisters, to Green Day and Foo Fighters, although it is obvious that others still try to put me in specific pigeon holes.  And to anyone who says that the particular selection of bands I listen to have nothing in common I say this, "they are all bands I like, that is what they have ( and all they need to have) in common".

 And just in case you were wondering, the offending album that sparked this blog was the delightful and incredibly talented Mika...) 

Sooo..... that's my blog for today, do you feel that you are stereotyped or pigeon holed by the styles of music you like, or would I find your music collection even more eclectic than my own....Please add a comment and let me know what you think......

See you all soon,  Tracey XX

Frogs n snails and puppy dog tails...

Hello everyone... today my main To Do job is to finish mowing the garden. However because of the predicted rain (yup its back) I started to do this yesterday evening, and while mowing round my little front pond I saw a little frog hop out. I should add now for honestys sake that I do not live in a huge country retreat and so my pond is not a vast affair, but infact the size of the average bird bath. It does however have a fish and I still love it.  Now back to the frog, well,  I absolutely love frogs and proceeded to follow it round the garden for several minutes till I got a pic which I showed to my BFF and my 12 yr old son.  Needless to say my son was far more impressed than my BFF, which bought to mind a convo I was having with the gorgeous @heelsandtelly last week about me being a tom boy as a child, and thus reminded me yet again that my 'inner child' has and always will be  grubby little boy. This has always been the case. I could possibly  blame growing up on a farm with two brothers.... those were the best days, playing in barns , making camps, and our personal favorite making false dog poo out of spiders webs and mud. Although if I am totally truthful I was far more tomboyish than either of my brothers. My mum always said that if she lost me she just needed to find the biggest muddy puddle and i would be sat in the middle of it. Fast forward to today and I still love all things boyish, mud (a recent weekend at the Download fest in Donnington was soo cool cus I have never seen such fab mud), spiders, frogs and the super powerdul hand dryers in tesco's...(they make your skin wobble, its soooooo cool!!). It is a delight to spend time with my baby boy at the moment as we are so often totally in synch, although I suspect he will soon grow out of such things, leaving me to my muddy adventures on my own..  Are any of you eternal tom boys, or maybe your inner child is a sparkly pink princess...... Anyway signing off for now, c ya soon Tracey  Xxx

Hello.... Introductions and all that........

Well hello everyone....I'm Tracey, nice to meet you.  Ok well as you may have guessed this is my first blog and as such is most likely going to be fairly rubbish, the saving grace for me is that i am most likely to be the only one reading it I can witter away to my hearts content and upset no one. So he title of my blog, well I consider myself to be a recovering nutter, Anxiety and depression is the official diagnosis, and as a recoverer I have had to develop some pretty impressive social masks to cover up the turmoil that occurs inside my head on a daily basis, so this is what my blog is about, the thoughts that occur behind the mask. Sometimes they maybe funny, sometimes sad, occasionally just plain odd. To the outside world I am a 30 something recently single woman, 2 kids a dog and a job I love as a support worker for adults with learning dissabilities...I am short, redheaded have numerous tattoo's a quick mind and a dirty sense of humour. The inside my head is all those things and a lot more...I will let you make your own minds up about that. Well thats me in a nutshell, I hope someone will take an interest in my ramblings....and will say hello back..I will.say goodbye for now....C ya  Tracey Xx